Mild manners
by Paradoxiae
Summary: with teammates like Kakashi and Itachi, who needed enemies? (Ita/Saku/Kaka) AU


notes: short because prologue. or prologue because short. hm. take your debate back to phl 101.

I use not nice words and sexual innuendo a lot. Just fyi.

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**mild manners**  
aetheriae

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Prologue

Sakura sighed.

She sighed loudly with purpose so that the two bodies next to her were quite aware of the sound that was coming from her body.

She sighed for a lengthy time as well- but could you really sigh for a long time? Apparently so, because she was counting off the seconds which reached to the teens in her head.

And just how did she get into this type of situation again?

"Well Kakashithead went left when he was supposed to go right."

Apparently the question was not just asked inside her head.

"I think Uchihasswipe has his forehead protector strapped to tight and it must be cutting off the oxygen to his brain since _he was supposed to go right_."

Sakura sighed again.

Loudly, lengthy.

Hot cocoa was now her declared sworn enemy.

If someone told her this morning that she would find herself huddled against these two bodies in a miniscule hole on the side of a cliff, she would've checked them into the psychiatric ward at the Konoha hospital.

But lo and behold, lady fate had decided to use her bad sense of humor on Sakura.

And there she sat, more like hunched half way, over her ex-sensei turned hokage and missing nin revealed martyr of the Uchiha clan.

She had long given up pinching herself awake.

In what universe had she landed in that she and these two were placed on a team together?

In that same universe, a hand was slowly drifting up her thigh about to placed on…

"I'LL CHOP YOUR GRIMY FINGERS OFF PERVY OLD MAN!"

"OLD?! I'm only two years older than you... and it's not MY fault! There's nowhere else to put my hands!"

"Then shove them up your ass. Or Itachi's ass."

"…I am equal opportunity."

"I will fucking burn you for 72 hours in the tsukuyomi."

"I'm not talking about you."

"…"

"…"

"What? Fisting one's self could lead to self-discovery among other things."

"I have no words Hatake."

"Really? Because I do, quit using your vocal chords before I sever them. Permanently."

At least in the universe, the same semantics still applied to shut up hormonal teammates which in this case took form in her teenage size sensei and former Akatsuki member.

Huh, it was kind of weird.

Two of the most powerful shinobi that she had ever known had heeded her threat with an instantaneous tight lipped response.

It was really almost so bizarre that her inner self started cackling insanely.

Actually, from the looks on their faces it looks like it wasn't only her inner who was partaking in the cackling.

Maybe it wasn't so bizarre that they had listened. Maybe they were slightly in fear for her sanity and that she would go on a murdering rampage.

With the way her day was going, she wouldn't be surprised at this point.

All she had wanted was some hot cocoa.

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It was cold out and her fingers were trembling, almost numb. They were in desperate need of solace in the form of hot cocoa but her supply had seemingly been depleted into dust on her second cabinet shelf.

So she did what any logical person would do in a snow storm, she went to find some damn cocoa and she found herself at the stoop of her late grandmother.

As soon as she walked through the gates greeting her home, she was given the news of her grandmother passing. She had been given murmured voices of comfort from allies but not really. Because, how is that really compared? Shikamaru and Ino had lost parents in the heat of battle. Others had lost allies right before their very eyes.

Her grandmother had passed peacefully, of natural causes. Such a thing was almost of unheard of after leading life as a shinobi, especially during wartime.

And now here she was. At this fortunate lady's stoop who lived life with an unhealthy obsession with hot cocoa which Sakura apparently inherited to some part.

A peak through the window gave hint that no one had been to collect her stuff yet. What type of person breaks into their dead grandmother's house and steals hot cocoa?

Haruno freaking Sakura, that's who.

And not a second later, after a quick surveillance to make sure no witnesses were present, she was inside the kitchen. Ransacking and searching furiously for one thing: steaming chocolately delight.

She found no such thing.

She found scrolls.

Who keeps scrolls in their kitchen cabinets?

Sakura's grandmother, apparently.

Scrolls would not melt in her mouth and cause her shivering form to cease, is what she told herself as she went to throw it to side but the academic part of her would allow no such thing.

An hour later she was still chocolateless and realizing that her grandmother was either a genius or questionably insane. Or maybe both.

The scrolls were numerous in number but all seemed to have the same theme and content relating to time travel and alternate reality travel. She would be lying if she said she didn't find these things anything less than intriguing but she was slightly worried that hot chocolate fondness wasn't the only trait she related to her grandmother with.

She had slightly studied such things during her apprenticeship but most questions were left unanswered because no one really how these things worked. Or were considered forbidden.

Apparently, her grandmother had tried to answer them herself. Forbidden or not.

"Oh this one has seals…"

Talking to herself, another hit on her sanity.

She snatched the withered scroll with seals she was both familiar and not familiar with. The writing had faded a substantial amount but had some readable characters that were scattered in a few places.

"Just what the hell were you into Granny Haruno?"

She studied the hand positions that were listed, not realizing that her hands were unconsciously forming them as her mind processed them. This had to be forbidden. How did her grandmother come to have all these things? No wonder she holed herself up all day with no visitors.

Ok it was time to get out of here. Like, yesterday.

She stood up swiftly and hastily made a beeline towards the front door. Although her inner academic was screaming at her to go back, that this was once in a lifetime opportunity to learn these types of things, her inner logic won out. And was starting to feel light headed.

Ok that wasn't just her inner, it was her whole body, and it had started swaying slightly too. She was about empty the contents of her stomach and, oh god this better not be a stupid generic pass out after reading something she wasn't supposed to.

She was a heroine damnit! Not a damsel in distress.

She reached the door after what felt like eons, breathing labored and about to punch herself in the face if she didn't get ahold of herself.

She felt so out of tune with her chakra which was easily the most frightening part. Her chakra control was second nature, basically a sixth sense but now she felt like there was nothing there.

That she was empty.

She braced herself against the threshold and turned the knob violently pushing herself through.

She almost cried out for joy when everything seemed to jump back to normal as soon as she was outside of that house.

And she would've but she realized something. Now instead of being 10:00 and snowing at night, it appeared to be mid-morning and sunny.

Ok maybe she had stayed in that house longer than she thought…

"Sakura! There you are."

She didn't recognize the voice which in turn made her spin around at the sound of her name.

Oh because it was Uchiha Itachi saying her name.

Huh, that's why.

"You're going to be late for the mission debriefing and that's not like you."

A mission with Uchiha Itachi.

So she had fallen asleep when she was in searching through scrolls, typical Sakura. She shouldn't have pulled that all-nighter at the hospital yesterday.

Might as well enjoy it.

"The only debriefing that will be done is of you. Literally. Right now. Okay I'm bad at dirty talk, let's just be naked already."

She had never imagined the sight of the older Uchiha being taken by surprise but dream Itachi had decided upon that reaction.

He stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened, not much but for one who was an expert at reading an Uchiha he might as well be screaming 'OMG WTF'.

A bonk to her head made her turn her head sharply to the right.

"Yo. I knew I'd be late but you two are usually on time… and Uchiha what's with the face, you're scaring the children."

She gaped, now why in the hell was she dreaming about a teenage version of Hatake Kakashi? This was getting weird for even her tastes. I mean a threeso-…

Wait.

She had felt that.

That bonk.

She had felt that.

You don't do that in dreams.

Wha-

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notes: This idea has been in my head since forever and I finally sat down to write the prologue at 3 am. Break from uni is both a blessing and a curse. There's probably some grammar errors here and there since it's 3 am. Apologies, I'll fix it tomorrow.


End file.
